BowlingWidow has always been a big figure skating fan and months ago I got us tickets for Skate America for this coming Sunday. Skate America is an annual national event and it's actually pretty cool that it's going to be in Everett at The Comcast Arena. NBC is even televising the thing nationwide on Sunday. BowlingJoe has been a fan of skating for a while as well. Only when I go it usually involves hockey sticks, a puck, and the occasional violent episode.Since this is kind of a departure for me, I've developed a strategy on how I'm going to get through five hours of figure skating. Just in case another male bowler with an unsophisticated approach to life finds himself in a similar situation, I'd like to share a few "Do's and Don'ts" that I intend to adhere to this weekend:
Do's:
First thing: locate the nearest concession stand that sells beer. Visit early and often.
Leave your cowbell at home and save it for Everett Silvertip hockey games. "More cowbell" will not cure anyone's fever during an ice skating competition.
Throw a stuffed teddy bear out on the ice after a particularly good performance. It would be quite touching, and is also traditional and appropriate.
Make points with your wife/girlfriend by learning the difference between a triple axel and a toe loop jump.
Don'ts:
Scream out the word, "FIGHT" during the national anthem when "through the perilous fight" is sung. Again, save it for the hockey game.
Laugh and call a skater a "stumbly-wumbly" when he or she falls.
Point it out to the entire section when a contestant's skirt flies up.
Prior to the end of a female competitor's skate, tell your wife/girlfriend, "She's hot. I'm giving her a 10".
As a man of the people, BowlingJoe is always here to help.
8 comments:
Do beer and ice skating go together?
I'm not entirely sure, but I'll be putting it to the test this weekend. However, if you're watching the news and hear about a shirtless guy with mustard and ketchup smeared all over his bare chest being escorted by police from Comacast Arena you can rest assured that it will likely be BowlingJoe.
Beer is the only way I can get through it. A triple salchow to the post, however.
Thanks, bowlingagent. And if I ever actually tried any figure skating moves it could only be described as a "triple klutz".
I wasn't planning on watching this event, but Jill asked me to record it for her, and I watched the preview pane while I transferred it to DVD and saw the whole two hours crunched down into ten minutes. If you think those skaters can pull off some impressive moves in regular time, you should see them in fast forward. Awesome!
I didn't see the bare chested guy with mustard and ketchup you mentioned though, so I'm guessing they ran out of beer or something.
Believe it or not, BowlingJoe consumed no beer at the event. I guess I just wasn't in the mood to pay $7 for one and instead settled on a $2.50 34-inch red licorice rope. A bargain for someone, I'm sure.
Although i wasn't lucky enough to attend Skate America, I did have a late night snack with one of the skaters. Well, okay, not with him. Next to him.
Saturday night I went to the casino with some friends and heard several people mention that the skater's were staying at the hotel. (plus the big sign in the lobby was a clue).After listening to the band and filling our lungs with as much second hand smoke we could stand, we decided to try out the new restaurant, the Cedars Cafe. I was sitting there innocently eating my Chicken Focaccia sandwich, when a youngish artsy looking guy joins the mom and daughter looking pair next to us. Groovelily never turns down an eavesdropping opportunity, and he was a loud talker, so fair game. I can't be 100% sure, but I am almost certain it was Evan Lysacek. (Evan ended up taking home the bronze medal Saturday night). He seemed to be in a chipper mood and showed off his fancy new boots to his dining companions. He got an excellent price... normally $1200, and he got them for $600! Other than that, he talked about life in LA, and that he hates it when they play raining men when the men are on the ice. Oh, i nearly forgot the most interesting part...he ordered a hamburger and fries (not strange), but ate the hamburger and the fries with a fork and knife(a little different). Very European. Or LA. Or ice skatie. He didn't mention any wacky licorice rope eating guy in the audience, so i think you are in the clear bowlingjoe.
If i am going to get sued for mentioning his name, lemme know, wouldya?
Nice story, Groovelily. It sounds like Marysville is really getting to be "on the map". Soon we'll all have to go to Oso just to get away from it all.
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