My friend Brian has a
bucket list. That's right, an actual list that’s written out. He claims he doesn’t and that it’s all stored
away in his head, but I don’t believe that for a minute. I just haven’t seen it yet. In past years he’s done such things as jump
out of airplanes and ride his motorcycle to the
four corners of the contiguous
United States. Not to mention that he’s
bowled a handful of perfect games.
That’s bucket list material, folks.
Last year he had the brilliant idea of riding a bicycle 204
miles over two days in the annual
Seattle to Portland event sponsored by the
Cascade Bicycle Club. He asked if anyone
was in with him and during a weak moment I not only stepped up to the challenge
but also volunteered my son, Muffinheadedboy, to go along as well.
I tried to get out of it, at one point even threatening to embarrass
Brian for two days straight by riding next to him for the entire distance
wearing nothing but my custom made long distance bicycling thong. He didn’t even flinch at that. So ultimately, being a man of my word, I
indeed was in for the ride. I put on a
brave face but privately wondered whether or not I could pull this off at the
age of 51. Even as a young person
growing up in Port Angeles, riding from there to Sequim for a distance of 15
miles was an epic journey that I never took.
I had no worries about Muffinheadedboy, though. He’s 24 years old, invincible by definition, and can
roll out of bed after a few hours sleep and knock off 100 miles without
breaking a sweat.
We all started training in April for the July 14-15 event
with some low mile (meaning 20 to 30 miles) runs at places such as the
Centennial Trail in Snohomish County.
Gradually we built those numbers up to around 85, doing laps around
LakeWashington. That’s all very nice but we were scheduled
to tally 136 miles on the first day of the event, from Seattle to
Castle Rock,WA.
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| The Team: Brian, Roger, Muffinheadedboy, BowlingJoe |
On the morning of July 14th we arrived at the
Seattle starting line at around 5:00am for a 5:15 start and were joined by
Brian’s brother-in-law, Roger, to make a tidy group of four. We weren’t lonely though, as there were
10,000 of our closest pals that were also on the ride.
Here’s a word about those 10,000 riders: nearly all of them are REAL cyclists. They have $3000 bikes, all of the correct
top-of-the-line gear, are dressed smartly and colorfully, and wear cycling
pants in which it must take a large shoehorn and a tub of grease to get
into. Many of them will go on to
complete this ride on one day. ONE
DAY??? That’s insane. Now…what about Brian’s and my bikes? They’re what are known as
hybrid bicycles. While they are very good
bikes, they’re heavier, slower, more upright, and in general not built for
racing. Not only that, they sported
fenders and a kickstands, therefore firmly positioning us as Official Bicycle
Outcasts of the 2012 Seattle to Portland Classic.
Now let’s talk about attire. No tight
spandex for BowlingJoe that’s
visible to the world. Sure I had it on
but the exposed part of the shorts was just that…regular shorts. As BowlingWidow correctly tells me, “Nobody
wants to see you in skin tight spandex bike shorts!” (By the way, dear, thanks
not only for your sage advice but for supporting me in general on this nutty
endeavor).
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| Bicycle Mayhem at the First Rest Stop! |
Day one started out just fine as we paced ourselves through
Seattle, Renton, Kent, Puyallup (where there’s a challenging but not impossible
mile-long hill) and beyond. Fortunately
there are food and drink stops every 20 miles or so, some of which have items
that are “free” and sponsored by the event organizer and some of which have a
donation jar for high school group sponsors and the like. No difference for me. There were points on the trip where I would
have gladly paid fifty dollars for a bottle of Gatorade and a
Clif Bar.
As the day wore on and those “real” bicyclists were in a
steady stream passing me as though I were standing still (I heard the words
“coming up on your left” so much that I thought it was my name) I realized that
around a dozen of them complimented me on my shirt as they whizzed by. I wondered about that and actually couldn’t
recall what was on the back of the free shirt I got from Boeing Fitness. I asked Muffinheadedboy to tell me. It said Keep Moving. Okay, now I get it. The bike studs that were leaving me in the
dust thought, “Awwwww….bless his heart.
That poor guy going 7 mph will finally get to Portland on Tuesday, but
he’s going to keep on moving no matter how grim the outlook is for him.”
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| Castle Rock: High School Gym or Flop House? |
We arrived at Castle Rock High School at around 7:30pm. Fourteen hours of riding. The last two hours of that we were being
punished by rolling hills that seemed like the
Grand Teton range to us at the
time. Without even picking up our gear
first, which was trucked to Castle Rock from Seattle, we headed straight to the
carbohydrates: spaghetti and meatballs,
prepared by the Castle Rock High Future Business Leaders of America. Never mind that it was lukewarm and
pasty. It was food and that was all that
really mattered.
We all grabbed an ice cold shower in the locker room (again,
I’m not complaining as it was a
shower)
and it was time to scope out sleeping arrangements for the night. The gym floor was littered with sleeping
bags, clothes and bikes but we scored a private classroom thanks to the fact
that Brian and I use
CPAP machines at night that require an electrical
outlet. I’ve never been so happy to have
sleep apnea. After acquiring a
much-needed body massage outside the building it was after 9pm and time to tuck
into the sleeping bag on the hard concrete floor. At least they were considerate enough to have
waxed the floor for us earlier in the day.
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| BowlingJoe and Muffinheadedboy on the Course |
Day two started early with the alarm going off at 4:45
am. We bought a pancake and sausage
breakfast to fuel up for the remaining 70 miles and were back on the road by
6:00. We encountered the only light rain
we saw, between Castle Rock and
Kelso at the
Columbia River. If one asks what the most harrowing part of
the ride was, we’d all likely agree that it was coasting at a high rate of
speed on the downhill slope of the huge
Lewis and Clark Bridge across the
Columbia. The road had a narrow bike
lane with traffic whizzing past. It
occurred to me that all it would take is one foreign object in the road to send
me helplessly tumbling on the pavement.
If it happened though, at least I’d tumble onto the Oregon side and
wouldn’t have to pay state sales tax on any medical supplies that I’d need.
Once we got to Oregon, the rest of the ride went fairly
smoothly (except for a flat tire that Muffinheadedboy dealt with in short
order) and for the most part consisted of flat roads. Although a phenomenon does exist in which the
last few miles seemed like it took hours.
I call it The Rule of
Paul Simon in that “the nearer your destination
the more you’re slip sliding away.”
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| At Portland's Holladay Park: We did it! |
Not to worry. We
rolled our tired bodies across the finish line at around 2:00 pm to the cheers
of several dozen Portlanders who had nothing better to do on their day
off. Actually we were glad they were
there. They made us feel like we just
won a stage of the
Tour de France.
It was a party at
Holladay Park in downtown Portland. Food and drink were everywhere. Even the
New Belgium in the beer garden,
which I’m not a particular fan of, was absolutely world class and at the time
tasted as good as anything imaginable.
Brian’s wife was kind enough to pick us up in Portland for a
nice high-speed van trip back to Seattle as we all reflected on the last two
days. Muffinheadedboy even spoke of
trying to do the Seattle to Portland in one day sometime in the future. Knock yourself out, kid!
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| A fitting ending to a great weekend of riding |
In the end, this was something I’m really glad I was a part
of and it was an absolute pleasure to have gone on this journey with these
three guys. It was the most challenging
thing I’ve done to date endurance-wise, but as a
certain conditioning coach that I know says, we’re stronger than we think.
In the spirit of the late
George Plimpton, I think I’ll
move on to do something else in 2013 to write about and ease into my new role
as “Seattle to Portland Ride Consultant” next year for anyone who’s interested
in my services. I’m not exactly sure
what that something else will be, but if Brian is involved next time I will definitely insist on seeing his
bucket list before I make any snap decisions.
Meanwhile, bowling season starts in just 49 days. Better start practicing.
