BoatingJoe?

Muffinheadedboy has a nice summer job this year at a Marine and Kayak Center called Popeye's at the Everett Marina. Most of it is retail sales and rentals, but one of his tasks is to assist the certified kayak instructor during weekly Thursday lessons. Back in June, during a weak moment, BowlingJoe said he'd show for a lesson sometime during the summer.

Last week, I took a few days off to resurface a deck, trim a couple of hedges, and some other things that people shouldn't be burning up precious vacation days to do. On Thursday it was time to switch gears and put up or shut up with a 2-hour kayak lesson. I headed straight to the wild waters of Silver Lake in Everett, an urban oasis in the shadows of Costco, after a quick pre-season bowling practice session at Evergreen Lanes.

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Muffinheadedboy gets the kayaks ready for action

When I arrived at the scene on a wickedly hot late afternoon, Muffin- headedboy and lead instructor Xon (pronounced "Zawn") Baker were setting out the 8 kayaks and paddles to be used. After some quick verbal instructions in which we were told how to paddle the things around, we were ready to hit the shores.

The first thing I noticed is that it just might present a challenge to install my body in the fairly small opening in the middle of the kayak which (like an airplane) is known as the "cockpit". I looked around for a tub of grease and a very large shoehorn to make the operation easier but there were none to be found.

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After a couple of false starts, we had success. The next challenge was to move the boat using the paddle while remaining above the surface of the water. I hadn't used a paddle quite like this before. They're like giant Q-Tips but with paddles on the two extremities instead of cotton swabs. Rule number one: you're less apt to tip over when you're relaxed. Rebuttal to rule number one: YOU try to relax when the boat starts to violently twist from left to right and right to left in less than 2 seconds.

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BowlingJoe somehow managing to stay afloat

("Is that a LEAD life vest he gave me, by the way?")

Eventually it did become apparent, however, that there would be no disastrous plunge into the lake if I just stayed focused and didn't try and do things such as watch the helicopter fly over the lake while paddling. Oh, and staying out of the way of the Hawaiian canoe and their seriously fast crew is a good idea as well.

When it came time for the optional mock rescue part of the program, BowlingJoe opted to stay dry. Several in the class, those potentially "serious" kayakers, did opt to take the Nestea Plunge only to have our heroes, Xon and Muffinheadeboy, come to the rescue. The accepted term for this exercise is a wet exit.

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After a bit more paddling around the lake it was time to head in and bring the equipment back to the staging area. Yep, kayaking was really a lot of fun and offers some great scenery and exercise. I may even try it again if the circumstances are right. But it'll be a cold day in hell before BowlingJoe feels more comfortable in the cockpit of a kayak than he does staring down ten pins and readying himself for battle on the hardwood approaches with his 15-pound weapon of choice.

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Mission Accomplished: Muffinheadedboy, BowlingJoe, Xon